McKenzie Ross

February 3, 2023February 3, 2023

So What Do We Say If We Can’t Say Be Careful?

When supervising risky play, it’s important to avoid saying “be careful.” I know, I know. This is hard to do, it’s a phrase deeply ingrained in our brains. I’m still working on it myself! Looking through the child’s lens, hearing “be careful” is such an empty saying. Be careful with what? How? Where? When?

The question I ask myself when I’m tempted to turn to the same phrase is instead, “Do they need advice or do they need awareness?”

Awareness: When I can see a bigger picture they maybe can’t or haven’t realized yet.

Example: 3 year old climbing an apple tree, but doesn’t know that one of the branches is dead and not as sturdy as the rest of the tree branches.

Situation 1: I call over- “Be careful!” The child grabs the branch, the branch breaks, the child falls out of the tree. I’m frustrated because I told him to be careful, he’s frustrated because he’s still not sure why he fell out of the tree.

Situation 2: I move slightly closer and point out things he can make himself aware of. “Look at the branch you are sitting on, it’s so full of leaves and so strong! Is that next branch up also full of leaves? How does it feel when you grab it?” Child reluctantly grabs the branch, realizes it’s dead and not sturdy, then finds a new path to climb.

Advice: The child is attempting a task for the first time and needs advice on how to find success.

Example: A child walking along a fallen log to cross a slow, shallow river for the first time.

Situation 1: I call over, “Be careful!” Child gets the footing wrong, falls into the water, and everyone is upset.

Situation 2: I step closer and offer advice and coaching on how to help my child across the log so they can still perform independently and have this learning opportunity, but by adding in the coaching I just took the task from dangerous to risky.

It’s a tricky mind shift and it takes a lot of practice, I know this from experience! However, choosing your words carefully when engaging children in risky play will turn out to become a huge benefit in the long run.

Here are some other phrases that can help you make this conversation shift:

Awareness:

“Do you notice how….”
“How is your body feeling?”
“Is this stable or wobbly?
“If you look up, do you see what I’m seeing?”
“What’s your plan?”
“How do you want to accomplish this?”

Advice:

“When I do this activity I like to…”
“You might want to try…”
“When using this tool, a good safety feature we need to know is…”
“The rules for using xyz include…”

Now please do not get me wrong, if your child is in immediate danger, please take all necessary steps to keep them safe. But risky play is needed developmentally and is so good for the child in the long run. It’s forever a balance between risky and dangerous play! However, I can promise you that calling out, “Be careful!” will not make the activity any less dangerous.

What phrases do you use with your child instead of “Be careful?”

Cover photo by Mallory Wilcox

February 1, 2023February 1, 2023

Education for Nearby Animal Shelters- How This Teen is Working to Improve Her Community

In a Virginia neighborhood, a high school student identified an issue that she felt was something she could help with- stray cats. She has come up with plans on how she can build traction and resources with the local animal shelter, despite the long drive from her neighborhood to the shelter. She writes,

“The nearest animal shelter is around 30 minutes away from us and doesn’t get much recognition in our neighborhood. This leads to people being uneducated about the places they can take any stray animals they find or places they can donate to in order to help rescued animals.”

“I want to help spread awareness about nearby animal shelters by printing out information about them and doing the same thing – leaving posters or hand-delivering them. I also want to run a food drive where people can drop off pet food and animal supplies at my house and I drop them off at the local animal shelter. By doing this, others wouldn’t be troubled by having to drive a somewhat far distance for something that may not be relevant to them. To do this, I would have to make people aware of it by including the food-drive information on the posters I leave about the animal shelters.”

“I also have seen a lot of stray cats around the neighborhood, and I think that if people were more aware of the shelters nearby then these animals would be able to be protected by being brought there. As far as short-term, people being more aware of the animal shelters around us, they would be able to bring supplies to my food drive and help many homeless animals. In the long term, people knowing about these shelters could help in the case they ever stumble across a stray animal who needs to be rescued.”

As we hear more about her story, we will post updates. Stay tuned to hear more!

January 28, 2023January 27, 2023

When Does Risky Play Become Dangerous Play? How to Find the Balance

I posted earlier this week about the importance of risky play for children, but now I want to expand on one specific aspect of risky play that I feel is one of the biggest struggles caregivers have regarding risky play.

When does risky play become dangerous play?

I wish I could give you a straightforward answer, I really do. Because I would love a straightforward answer myself! But there is a lot to this question that we have to analyze ourselves to answer it.

The first question is- what is the experience level of the child performing the task? Age is irrelevant here. Child A can be an expert at climbing a ladder at 18 months and child B can still be learning the concept at 3 years old.

Next, you need to analyze the situation. If they fall or fail at what they are doing, what’s below them? Cement or grass? Hardwood floors or carpet? Is there a corner of a table nearby that you need to be aware of?

My son loves jumping from our couch onto a crash pad on the floor, which is typically an okay activity for him. However, one particular day I noticed a wooden kitchen table chair positioned perfectly next to the crash pad that if he jumped just right, it could harm him. It was a simple conversation, “Hey buddy, do you see this chair next to your crash pad? That might be a problem if you accidentally jump into it! Let’s put it back into the kitchen so we don’t have to worry about it being a problem!” Dangerous play went right back to risky play.

How much and how close supervision does the child need for the specific activity? And how much supervision can you realistically give them at the moment?

My 6-year-old loves climbing our ladder to pick apricots off our tree from the tallest branches. However, she is still fairly new at ladders and it’s well above 6 feet off the ground. This task requires closer supervision and most likely some coaching to get her through it, and if I can’t give her that for some reason, then this risky play just turned into dangerous play and should be avoided. With enough time and practice, she will be more confident and able to climb a ladder by herself, making less supervision not dangerous anymore.

Safe, risky, and dangerous play is always ebbing and flowing. It can change day to day and even hour to hour as children work hard at their play, fail and falter a few times, analyze how they can do better, and try again. And as time goes on, you also become more experienced and better at determining what is risky and what is dangerous for your child.

Really, risky play is just one big science experiment for them to do over and over, analyze, and then learn from. I think if you can allow yourself to step back and foster their risky play, you might be amazed at how much they really can accomplish on their own.

January 27, 2023January 27, 2023

Secrets of the Apple Tree

I’ve been on this Earth for many years now,
Long enough to witness the different stages of life, multiple times.

The one I’m perpetually drawn to is childhood.
The innocence of a child is unlike any other
Because they pick and climb and run and scream
All without a single worry about what tomorrow brings.

Always running.
Always climbing.
Always wondering.
Always growing.

It doesn’t matter the time, the decade, or the season,
I’ve discovered one constant truth-
That children need movement and play and risk.
They are drawn to me for that exact reason.

The constant I am in their lives,
And have been in the past for others,
And will continue to be in the future
To those that wander in.

For I am the apple tree
That has nourished bellies
And held strong for endless climbing.
My leaves provide them with shade
And my branches hold them sublimely.

As the years go on,
As children grow,
I know they will lose interest with time.
But I worry not.

The next generation will come
And pick and climb and run and scream.
All without a single worry about what tomorrow brings.
For there is a gravitational pull that an apple tree yields.

Risk and reward.
Peace and tranquility.
Havoc and uncertainty.

We truly were created for one another,
The child and the apple tree.

Photo by Zen Chung

January 25, 2023January 25, 2023

Risk vs. Reward: Risky Play for Children

Risky play is such a buzzword in the parenting/ academic world right now. It’s the idea that kids play in a way that has an added level of risk- they climb trees and ride bikes down big hills and give their bodies the opportunity to fail or falter, in order to learn how to change their course of action to find success eventually.

Think of walking on a balance beam that’s positioned a few inches off of the floor. A 2-year-old may be fairly proficient at walking and running, but asking them to walk on a balance beam for the first time is a harder task for them, they have to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other in order to move forward.

It’s inevitable that they will walk wobbly or maybe even fall off entirely. This is adding a layer of risk into play.

Safe to them would be walking slowly on a flat, even surface.

Risky would be attempting a balance beam a few inches off the floor.

Dangerous would be attempting the same balance beam independently, but a few feet off of the floor instead of a few inches.

Again, this is all for a two-year-old with no prior practice on a balance beam. The level of safe, risky, and dangerous play for any given child at any given age is constantly changing and evolving based on their experience level.

What is the why behind risky play? Because it is one of the best things you can do for a child’s development. The list of skills that are developed during risky play is as follows, but is not limited to:

Problem-solving skills
Self-confidence
Self-assurance
Independence
Cause and effect
Self-regulation
Executive functioning skills
Brainstorming capabilities
Language development
Vocabulary
Risk assessment
Communication
Life skills

Yes, you can get all of this and more by allowing your child to engage in risky play! It’s a no-brainer.

But I know there are concerns surrounding risky play because I have those same concerns. When does risky play become dangerous play? How do you allow risky play while also avoiding trips to the emergency room with broken bones? It’s a delicate balance and with most things in life, becomes easier with time and practice.

Your role as the caregiver or responsible adult over any number of kids is to determine where the line between risky and dangerous is… not for yourself. But for the child.

Things to consider when supervising risky play:

-The overall situation. Are there any sharp objects, heavy furniture, or other dangerous factors that need to be avoided, pointed out, or considered?

-The age, ability, and skill level of the child or children playing.

-How much supervision you can allot to the risky play? Some risky play needs more supervision than others, and if your attention is divided too much at the moment for the child to engage in a certain activity that needs closer supervision, it’s okay to say no.

Time and experience are on your side with all of these. Utilize it. It gets easier over time to analyze risky vs dangerous play. There is so much more to be said about risky vs dangerous play and even the language we should be using when supervising risky play. But those will be saved for another day!

Until then, let the kids climb the apple trees and ride their bikes around the block. Take a breath (and probably a step back) the next time you see them scaling the rock climbing wall on the playground or turning the curb into a balance beam. Learning is happening.

January 23, 2023January 23, 2023

Mental Health Accessibility in New Mexico is About to Improve, Thanks to This High School Teen

Mental health is such a buzzword right now. It’s finally getting the recognition and attention it deserves! There’s still so much work to be done in the world with the overall aspect of mental health and the accessibility to it, and a high school student in New Mexico not only realizes this but is working towards changing it. She writes,

My goal is to create a local nonprofit dedicated to prioritizing the mental health of adolescent athletes. This is a need I see in our community as I and many other adolescent athletes in New Mexico suffer from mental health issues related to our sports. After extensively looking, I don’t feel there are any other organizations doing the work locally (or even nationally) to fill this need.

My goal is to have three branches of this organization-

1. Outreach: This branch would be responsible for creating a new coaches and athletes curriculum dedicated to improving athletes’ well-being in sports. This branch would also be in charge of spreading this curriculum to school teams and other private club sports organizations in the community.

2. Advocacy: This branch would be in charge of creating legislative and policy teams in certain organizations. For example, one idea I have is to reform APS health classes in how it approaches mental health subjects and specifically nutrition.

3. Community: This branch would be responsible for running the organization’s social media pages and creating a website with resources for athletes themselves to access. I’ve already started on the website and hope to finish it soon.

While this is a huge project to take on and one that very well may not be successful, it’s an idea I’ve had for a long time and I finally feel brave enough to approach it. There are some logistical aspects I’m not sure how to go about but I’m willing to put in the work and learn from others in order to attempt to make this a success.

I have the support of a community service coordinator at my school and I have connections with multiple mental health professionals who could help. I have a fair amount of time to commit to this project and I’ve done extensive academic research regarding adolescent athletes’ mental health. I plan to connect with more athletic professionals in my state to promote this curriculum I hope to design for adolescent sports organizations. I also plan to connect with government resources to make this a certified non-profit in my state.

January 19, 2023January 19, 2023

Are Extra Curriculars Helping or Harming?

School is out and you rush there to pick up your kids directly from school because if the bus brings them home today, you won’t have enough time to get a good snack in them and shuttle them off to practice.

Once football drop off is done, you drive across town to gymnastics drop off. By the time you’ve accomplished that, you’re back on the road for skating lessons pick up, it’s your day for carpooling.

Tomorrow, the story is similar, but swap it all out with viola lessons, ski club, and karate.

Extracurriculars can be very beneficial for our kids, but at what point is it causing everyone more harm than good?

Mary wrote about this a few years back, originally sharing one of my all-time favorite videos in her post. Her wise words have stuck with me. She wrote,

“Here’s my highly scientific equation for why:
Stress of making activity happen > benefit of activity = CANCEL regret-free!
There’s already enough hustle in our lives just to keep things running smoothly.”
Mary Wade

We’ve kept up with this same mindset in our household when it comes to extracurriculars. It can be easy to forget from time to time and sign ourselves up for too much. But right now we are in a sweet spot with activities outside our home where they aren’t a long-term commitment. For the most part, everything is on a month-to-month basis, so choosing to stop if it no longer suits our family’s needs is easily done. Once we enter the stages of paying a lot of money out of pocket for them, the considerations made in order to sign up will be much more serious. I love Mary’s outline for qualifications she looks for in extracurriculars:

kids must be able to walk or bike there (which means I don’t have to play my least favorite role of taxi, we get exercise, and we help our air quality. Win-win-win.)
cannot compete with meal times (I’ve found that it’s way too slippery a slope for me to be like, yeah, fast food is fine just for now…)
must have a compelling reason to take kids away from free play time (which is at least as valuable as the vast majority of extracurricular activities).

Being able to walk or bike there can be very situational for each family, but it worked beautifully for hers.

Competing with meal times is a big one for us, too. We also fall down the slippery slope of yeah, fast food is fine just for now…

Free play is crucial. It’s essential. It’s the highest form of learning they can have. So extracurricular activities really do need a strong, compelling reason to take our children away from this time.

Yes, extracurriculars will teach your kids discipline and new sports or hobby skills. It can also help them manage their time and it can be a great social connection, too. But the ultimate question you need to be asking yourself when signing your children up for the next thing to keep their week full and busy is, “is this activity helping or hurting the overall well-being of our entire family?”

In the meantime, check out this video by GoGo squeeZ on the importance of independent, free play. It’s truly eye-opening.