Category: #TeacherMom

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“Where’s The Mom?”

We live across the street from our local post office. It’s amazing. 

My oldest child (5 years old) is the type of kid that absolutely needs her independence. She thrives when given opportunities to do things by herself. 

Recently I’ve had several packages to ship off to friends and family, and getting to the post office with three kids in tow can be extremely challenging, even if it’s right across the street! 

So I let my 5-year-old take another independent leap by sending her on the errand for me, by herself. 

With the package addressed and ready to ship, she walks across the street alone, $5 tucked safely in her purse to pay the shipping fees.

She’s been on enough errands with me that she knows what to do. She knows how to wait in line and ask for help at the counter when it’s her turn. She’s pretty good at exchanging money and keeping receipts safe for the travels back home. 

The first time I sent her I watched out of our family room window for the entirety of her visit, just to make sure everything was okay. But as time went on, I trusted her more and more with her abilities and didn’t pace by the window waiting to watch her walk back home. 

One day after coming home from her post office errand, she told me the lady working at the counter asked her where her mom was. I asked my daughter what her response was and she said, “I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.”

It got me thinking, what would the correct response be? 

Her mom was right next door. 

Her mom was observing from afar.

Her mom was teaching valuable life lessons. 

Her mom was providing an opportunity for independence. 

Her mom was showing a high level of trust not only for her daughter but also for the postal workers and other patrons in the building. 

I don’t think the worker meant any malice when asking the question. I’m certain after assessing the situation, she realized my daughter was there to run an errand for me and was in no way distressed or neglected. It takes a village to raise a child and our sweet postal worker was only making sure my daughter was okay. 

But we’ve also transitioned into a more stressed and scared society, causing us to be wearier of letting our young kids do things for themselves. 50 years ago no one would have thought to even question her. This pushes me to allocate opportunities for my children to find independence throughout their young lives so that they can grow up to be contributing members of our society. 

By sending them on errands by themselves, within a reasonable distance from our home.

By letting them go into the library alone to return and check out books while I wait outside. 

By picking out and buying their own ingredients and supplies at the grocery store for the cupcakes they’ve been wanting to make. 

“Independence is not a static condition; it is a continuous conquest, and in order to reach not only freedom, but also strength, and the perfecting on one’s powers, it is necessary to follow this path of unremitting toil.”  

-Maria Montessori

Photo by Matheus Bertelli

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Ideas On How to Support Our Community’s Teachers

It’s no secret that teachers within public schools (and even private and charter schools) struggle to find the resources they need. How can we as parents and community members help support them? Here are a few ideas! 

  • Give your time. Volunteer in classrooms, help out in the lunchroom, grade papers, put together class parties, or read with students in the hallway that could use extra practice. If you offer your time to the school, it’s almost guaranteed they’ll find ways to put you to work. 
  • Provide teachers with shelf-stable snacks. Oftentimes teachers are buying these for their classrooms out of their own pockets, so it can be helpful to provide them with some to keep around. 
  • Give them positive feedback on things you enjoy or notice about their teaching. It can be such a thankless job sometimes! So nice comments can go a long way for teachers that can use a pick-me-up. 
  • Provide Amazon or Walmart gift cards for their classroom so they can purchase needed supplies.
  • Ask teachers specifically what they need. Check-in throughout the school year to see if there are school supplies, snacks, or other things you can provide. Ask if they need help with classroom parties or if it would be a benefit for you to spend an hour or two in their classroom each week helping with things. 

As a rule of thumb, if you’re heart is in the right place and you’re trying to help, anything you do for your school and teachers can help them in some way. Don’t forget about the P.E., computers, music, and other extracurricular teachers too! They deserve and need help, too! 

If you’re a teacher, what would you add to this list? If you’re a parent, what is a way you like to support your local schools? 

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There’s A Lot of Learning For Kids In Traveling, And I’ll Prove It

Have you ever hesitated to pull your child out of school for a family trip? Well, let’s talk about traveling with kids. I know that even just reading this sentence can cause anxiety in some! To be honest, it does for me, too. 

But there is a lot of importance, development, and learning that can come from traveling with kids. And this can be any level of traveling! It could mean packing up and taking an airplane to the other side of the globe, and it could also mean taking a class to the next town over for a field trip. Traveling can be a far or small distance, a long or short amount of time! A few months back I drove my kids one hour to our state’s capitol city to visit the zoo and see the capitol building. We left home around 9 am and were home before dinner. That was still traveling with kids! 

Why is it so important? Because there can be so, so much learning and development when adventures like this are taken. 

Children learn about different cultures by traveling. It’s fun to read books about cultures and maybe even watch videos, too. But you know what’s an even more engaging and fun way to learn more about the Native American tribe in your state? By visiting them. 

Children become more empathetic and understanding of others when they are given chances to experience and interact with people that are not just like them. It is within our human nature to help those that are most like us, but when we spend time loving others, we are allowed to expand that empathy. And what better way to accomplish this than… visiting those people? 

It teaches them to go with the flow. Especially for our school-aged children that are set on a very consistent schedule every day (which is very good for them!), it’s also great to let them experience what it’s like to have to change and adapt plans as needed. 

It gives them the chance to see how the world works. A country-dwelling kid may marvel at the use of the subway system in NYC, while a city-dwelling kid may marvel at a field of wild horses in Idaho. 

They learn that they have a place in this world. In a culture that is very adult-oriented, it can be overwhelming to kids when they feel like they don’t have a place they belong. But showing them that planes, trains, and buses are for them, too, gives them the message that they have a place and role in each community that they are allowed to be a part of. 

There are all of these reasons and more why taking the time and effort to travel with kids can be incredibly beneficial. I will be the first to admit, it takes a lot of extra time, effort, and planning. But the payoff can also be incredibly worth it. And pulling them out of traditional school to learn in different ways isn’t the end of the world! In fact, it may just open up their world.

Do you travel with kids? What learning experiences have you found yourself coming across while traveling with them? 

Photo by Ivan Samkov

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Real Life Risky Play

On a fall afternoon, I was outside supervising a group of neighborhood kids playing in my yard and neighboring yards. I am a big fan of risky play, so watching them scale apple trees and climb up our rope swing was bringing me so much joy! (And yes, some anxiety. But I do trust them and their ability to know when it’s too much for their body.) 

At one point they found a ladder lying on the ground that they worked together to prop up onto a stump in the yard- yay for teamwork! They were using this ramp to climb up and down and hang on and jump off of it, it was great to watch. However, upon closer inspection, I realized that right under the propped-up ladder were several 2×4 boards that were full of rusty screws and nails. 

Instantly their risky play turned to dangerous play. 

I was able to take a second to gather my thoughts and plan my next move, how I reacted could drastically change the outcome of their work. 

There was danger, but nothing was immediate. Courses needed to be changed, but it wasn’t a life-or-death situation at the moment that I needed to swoop in right away. 

I offered them some awareness of the situation,
“Hey guys, let’s look around really quick. What do you see on the ground? Boards with nails in them? Yeah, that can be dangerous if we fall on them! What can we do to make this a little safer?” 

Their first solution was to move the boards away from where they were playing, but with the number of children and only myself there to supervise them, I didn’t feel like this would be a safe option to make sure all of the boards were picked up and moved without a nail going through someone’s hand or foot, so I had to tell them we needed to find a new option. 

After some more deliberation, they decided to work together to pick up the ladder and move it to a different area to prop up and play on again. After moving it, the ladder was taller and in a more risky position to play on, but the danger of it was gone because it was a safer landing than the alternative. 

They played with their setup for hours and hours with no incident! And maybe they would have played in their first location for that long with no harm to anyone either, but the danger there was not something I could ignore. 

Risky play is important and good and needed, but as a caregiver, it’s my job to determine when risky play turns into dangerous play.

There was so much learning in this situation, both for the children, and myself! I am not perfect and every situation isn’t handled this well every time. But with practice and time, I’ve learned more and more how to differentiate between risky and dangerous play and the best way to approach the changes we need to make in order to keep everyone safe, while still giving them opportunities to learn through risk. 

Other helpful articles on risky play: 

Risk Vs. Reward: Risky Play for Children

When Does Risky Play Become Dangerous Play? How to Find the Balance

If We Can’t Say Be Careful, What Do We Say?

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Our Distance Learning Experience

I think everyone can agree that the winter of 2022-23 was full of sickness, sickness, and more sickness. This was unfortunately all too true for our family as well, even more since we moved to a new city this year. New cities and new schools mean new germs and lots of sicknesses! 

From Labor day until Christmas, we were getting hit with one big thing after the next with no breaks in between. Our immune systems needed a break! Desperately! How many more doctors and hospital visits could we realistically take on before we needed to draw the line? 

Over Christmas break, we spent a lot of time discussing with our doctor and with each other the best steps moving forward, and ultimately what we knew was best would be pulling my oldest from kindergarten and homeschooling for a time. 

It was not a decision we took lightly. This would be a huge decision that could have an effect on her for quite a while. 

On Tuesday morning after Christmas break was over and everyone went back to school, we spent the day on the phone with her teacher, principal, and superintendent. Ultimately, the biggest question was, “Is this temporary, or for the rest of the school year?” 

With our specific situation, it needed to be temporary. She is not the type of child that would thrive in a homeschooled situation because her social needs are more than I can ever provide her while homeschooling. 

Because we chose to make this temporary, we needed to figure out the best way to move forward, whether we would unenroll her from school and then re-enroll when she came back, or how we would handle it. 

But we ended up being very fortunate that as a result of the 2020 Covid shutdowns, distance learning is still an option, but this is the last year they are allowing it in our district. So a distance learner she became! 

When schools shut down in 2020, I, fortunately, did not have a child old enough to be in school and did not have to take on the burden of distance learning. However, we’re getting the full effect now! We now have packets of papers to do with her, books to read, activities to work on, and more. 

It’s been fun to have her home each day and it’s been fun to hone in on my inner teaching skills to help her understand new concepts. I’ve loved being more involved with her learning to read and we’ve adapted a lot of the worksheets to be more hands-on and interactive, which I know is a huge privilege we have while doing work one-on-one instead of in a classroom of 25 students. 

But at the end of the day, she is one of the most extroverted humans I know (okay maybe she’s second to me), and a public school situation is somewhere she thrives, there’s no denying it. Even her teacher and her principal would agree! 

We have loved this learning experience of having her home, but we’re still counting down the days until she gets to go back and spend the day at school with all of her friends and various teachers that help in the school. 

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So What Do We Say If We Can’t Say Be Careful?

When supervising risky play, it’s important to avoid saying “be careful.” I know, I know. This is hard to do, it’s a phrase deeply ingrained in our brains. I’m still working on it myself! Looking through the child’s lens, hearing “be careful” is such an empty saying. Be careful with what? How? Where? When?

The question I ask myself when I’m tempted to turn to the same phrase is instead, “Do they need advice or do they need awareness?”

Awareness: When I can see a bigger picture they maybe can’t or haven’t realized yet. 

Example: 3 year old climbing an apple tree, but doesn’t know that one of the branches is dead and not as sturdy as the rest of the tree branches. 

Situation 1: I call over- “Be careful!” The child grabs the branch, the branch breaks, the child falls out of the tree. I’m frustrated because I told him to be careful, he’s frustrated because he’s still not sure why he fell out of the tree. 

Situation 2: I move slightly closer and point out things he can make himself aware of. “Look at the branch you are sitting on, it’s so full of leaves and so strong! Is that next branch up also full of leaves? How does it feel when you grab it?” Child reluctantly grabs the branch, realizes it’s dead and not sturdy, then finds a new path to climb. 

Advice: The child is attempting a task for the first time and needs advice on how to find success. 

Example: A child walking along a fallen log to cross a slow, shallow river for the first time. 

Situation 1: I call over, “Be careful!” Child gets the footing wrong, falls into the water, and everyone is upset. 

Situation 2: I step closer and offer advice and coaching on how to help my child across the log so they can still perform independently and have this learning opportunity, but by adding in the coaching I just took the task from dangerous to risky. 

It’s a tricky mind shift and it takes a lot of practice, I know this from experience! However, choosing your words carefully when engaging children in risky play will turn out to become a huge benefit in the long run. 

Here are some other phrases that can help you make this conversation shift: 

Awareness: 

“Do you notice how….”
“How is your body feeling?”
“Is this stable or wobbly?
“If you look up, do you see what I’m seeing?”
“What’s your plan?” 
“How do you want to accomplish this?”

Advice:

“When I do this activity I like to…”
“You might want to try…”
“When using this tool, a good safety feature we need to know is…”
“The rules for using xyz include…” 

Now please do not get me wrong, if your child is in immediate danger, please take all necessary steps to keep them safe. But risky play is needed developmentally and is so good for the child in the long run. It’s forever a balance between risky and dangerous play! However, I can promise you that calling out, “Be careful!” will not make the activity any less dangerous. 

What phrases do you use with your child instead of “Be careful?” 

Cover photo by Mallory Wilcox

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When Does Risky Play Become Dangerous Play? How to Find the Balance

I posted earlier this week about the importance of risky play for children, but now I want to expand on one specific aspect of risky play that I feel is one of the biggest struggles caregivers have regarding risky play. 

When does risky play become dangerous play? 

I wish I could give you a straightforward answer, I really do. Because I would love a straightforward answer myself! But there is a lot to this question that we have to analyze ourselves to answer it. 

The first question is- what is the experience level of the child performing the task? Age is irrelevant here. Child A can be an expert at climbing a ladder at 18 months and child B can still be learning the concept at 3 years old. 

Next, you need to analyze the situation. If they fall or fail at what they are doing, what’s below them? Cement or grass? Hardwood floors or carpet? Is there a corner of a table nearby that you need to be aware of? 

My son loves jumping from our couch onto a crash pad on the floor, which is typically an okay activity for him. However, one particular day I noticed a wooden kitchen table chair positioned perfectly next to the crash pad that if he jumped just right, it could harm him. It was a simple conversation, “Hey buddy, do you see this chair next to your crash pad? That might be a problem if you accidentally jump into it! Let’s put it back into the kitchen so we don’t have to worry about it being a problem!” Dangerous play went right back to risky play. 

How much and how close supervision does the child need for the specific activity? And how much supervision can you realistically give them at the moment? 

My 6-year-old loves climbing our ladder to pick apricots off our tree from the tallest branches. However, she is still fairly new at ladders and it’s well above 6 feet off the ground. This task requires closer supervision and most likely some coaching to get her through it, and if I can’t give her that for some reason, then this risky play just turned into dangerous play and should be avoided. With enough time and practice, she will be more confident and able to climb a ladder by herself, making less supervision not dangerous anymore. 

Safe, risky, and dangerous play is always ebbing and flowing. It can change day to day and even hour to hour as children work hard at their play, fail and falter a few times, analyze how they can do better, and try again. And as time goes on, you also become more experienced and better at determining what is risky and what is dangerous for your child.

Really, risky play is just one big science experiment for them to do over and over, analyze, and then learn from. I think if you can allow yourself to step back and foster their risky play, you might be amazed at how much they really can accomplish on their own.