Who’s ready for the last batch of classroom funnies? I saved the best for last, and boy are they good!
“I’m a long term sub as a preschool aid. I have one student who is constantly telling me to go to jail – “go to jail Ms. Debbie – go to jail ” or to just go away.”
“I’m a math aide, and I had a 1st grade student add 3+1 by saying “If I have 1 girlfriend and 3 more girlfriends show up.”
“I was a behavior assistant and had a 2nd grader come up to me very upset at recess because this other kid told her, “You need to be like Ice Cream and chill out.” It was very hard to not laugh at that one because she was very upset by it.”
2nd grade: “A boy turned in a note (clearly written by him) that said, “he couldent finish his homewerk he was at sckouts.” … then when caught, followed up with an apology note saying, “Im sorry for riting a note becaus I wasnt don with my homework. And that I said my dad whate it.”
“My coworker who is in charge of after school made the comment, “I’m so tired of children, problem is my career deals with children.””(I’m pretty sure most teachers feel this way at some point!)
“I had an 8th grader who was born with some congenital defects that eventually led to his lower leg being amputated. He had a prosthetic, and was not at all ashamed of it. He would often take it off during class and put it back on backwards just to make people do a double take. I know it certainly took me by surprise the first time he did it to me!”
“I had a student tell the teacher that she had huffed a whole can of Febreeze and now she is tripping balls.” (Fifth grade)
“We had a 4 year old little girl in our class get really mad at another kid and said the following (and really enunciated every single sound)…..”shut up you freaking b*****d.”
From an 8th grade health teacher: “When trying to understand how a woman gets pregnant if they only need one sperm and egg, a boy asks, “Wait, so what happens to all the other sperm if it only takes one?” I answered that they die and are attacked by the female immune system as they’re seen as foreign invaders in the body. Another boy loudly says, “So, basically it’s like Gandalf saying, ‘You shall not pass!’” (Yes, he said it in the Gandalf voice). Another girl more quietly mumbled and replied with, “Or it’s the females cleaning up men’s messes again. Even our bodies have to fix their mistakes.”
“I’m a SPED teacher. I have a good story at least weekly, lol. I have a little guy with autism who just has the best imagination ever. He is often a robot and we have to wind him up for him to do his work (he really hates any work that involves writing). He once told us the real him stayed home to play video games, he had sent a clone instead.”
“I have a very opinionated kindergartner that loves to tattle-tale. He’ll stop me in the hallway to tell me (while pointing an accusatory finger) “him said…him said…(to the boy) What did you say?”
From an elementary SPED teacher: The next one is gross but had me dying. One of our kids is newly potty trained…mostly. He was in line walking by the front office with his class when he shakes a turd out of his pants leg!! The kid behind him goes “What is that?” and picks it up. He figured it out real quick and threw it across the foyer, where it went skidding down the tile. This was all right in front of the principal! We asked him why he didn’t tell us he needed to go to the bathroom. He said a spider put it there.”
And there you have it! Teaching may be a lot of things, but one thing it isn’t is boring. What’s the funniest thing you’ve had a student say or do?